We now refer to our days as being "sunny or cloudy".
Throughout the day it changes frequently.
We can have sunny moments where her eyes are bright and her thoughts are relatively clear, then the clouds will come....
We've cared for her for nearly a year now and one thing has become crystal clear.
She loves being around her family.
Especially the little ones. They are her purpose. They are her 'why'.
There's no doubt about that. Everyone sees it.
My mom got to be around her great-grand babies at a family anniversary party this past weekend. (Happy 25th Dave & Kim!)
Her family is her heart, and the more she's around little ones, the more sunshine than clouds we see. Her face glows, her eyes clear and her spirit becomes alive with joy.
Even later that night she was still so awake and aware. She was still excited, still happy and still animated and conversational.
She wanted to polka at 10:30 pm
...and so we did.
Then this week...
She bathed herself. (I just supervised)
She buttoned her own buttons..and got each of them in the right hole.
(That hasn't happened since....we can't remember)
She said things like "I appreciate you" and "Thanks for everything you do for us." She used sentence structures and came up with words that made us raise our eyebrows, tilt our heads and nod in wonder.
But there was one thing this week that I was especially grateful for...She asked about her mother and she didn't end up in tears.
Frequently, almost daily, my mother would ask me "Where's my mom?"
We had come to dread those conversations.
We would tell her that her mom doesn't live here anymore and either we'd tell her that she had passed away as gently as we could or we'd tried to spare her that news and try to get her onto another subject.
But, sometimes, when she focuses on something, it's hard to make that transition...she always been a tiny bit stubborn. :-)
I can't even tell you how horrible it makes us feel to see her have to deal with so much sadness and grief. She loved her mother so much.
You see, she was actually my grandmother's caregiver for the last few years of her life...and my grandmother (who we called Busia, that's Polish for grandma) passed peacefully in my parent's home with my mom by her side.
These 'mom' conversations had increased in frequency lately.
And they always ended the same way...in tears and grief. As if she was a child who lost her mother.
But this week, this week was different.
I went out for a walk with my mom and dad and they stopped to sit on the bench near the tall oak tree. Out of the blue, she mentioned a dear neighbor friend of hers who had passed away many years ago...which was surprising in itself. But then, she added "My mom's not here either, is she?" It was more of a statement, than a question.
When my dad and I told her, "No, she isn't, but she still lives in your heart", my mom was okay with that. She actually looked up at me and smiled.
Let me tell you, that was a moment I won't soon forget.
We have learned to treasure those 'sunny' moments,
and we hope to have the little ones around her more often to spark her spirit.
That brings to mind a song my mom used to sing to us when we were her little ones.
It seems so appropriate these days.
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
You make me happy, when skies are gray.
You'll never know dear, how much I love you,
Please don't take my sunshine away."
Wishing you many more sunny days, Mom.
~Anne
