If Mama Ain't Happy...

My entire day now revolves around my mom.
And as soon as she wakes up, we know what kind of day we'll be having.
  
If she's happy and smiling...if she lights up when she sees us, it'll be a good day. If she looks confused and tired, not so much.  Sometimes we can salvage the days that start off poorly, and goodness knows we try.

When you are the caregiver for someone with dementia/Alzheimer's, you soon learn that every day will be different. You never know what you'll be getting. You hope for and expect a good day, but at the same time, you're prepared if it isn't.   It's like you're always in alert mode.  And you begin to consider every day that is not a bad day a good day, although there are variations of each.

Enough sleep, all her nutrition, making sure her bowels are clean (sorry, but that needs to be addressed at some point in this blog, as it's very important), no sugar, no wheat, little/no dairy, brain-stimulating activity & laughter all help to make tomorrow a good day.

I have tons of support from my wonderful husband and my dad, so we tag-team during the day so it's not so hard for any one of us. That's such a blessing.
I don't know how caregivers who don't have this team effort do it and my heart goes out to each of them.

It just so happens that I'm  the one who can convince my mom to take her supplements, to shower, to get dressed, etc. I'm the one who can usually get her out of one of her 'moods'.  Doug says I have 'the magic touch" and right now , it's working. So I need to drop whatever I am doing and focus all my attention on her when she needs a little extra TLC. Acting silly helps. Coaching and cheering her on helps too.  Asking her to do it 'for you' helps, as in her heart she still will do anything for her family.My mom was a clean freak and no one would ever call her lazy. That woman rarely sat still.  We used to joke that you had better move out of the way if she had a paint brush in her hands or she might just give you a makeover!
But now she's become 'lazy' and doesn't want to shower. Honestly, every night we need to convince he to take a shower. It's just so odd to me, how this disease is changing who she is/was at her core.
I don't know what the future holds for us, but for now I am so grateful for our good days.  I treasure them. Because on most days my mom does wake up happy and smiling. If I can get her to drink her Shaklee protein drink and if she takes her morning supplements, I know it will most likely continue to be a very good day. If she swallows those supplements, it means her brain remembered how to swallow them and it will also remember other important things throughout the day.

Getting her to take all the nutrition she needs isn't easy especially when she can't remember she's supposed to to swallow them.
On those days I need to use the same tricks I used for my kids when they were little. I crush a few. I pierce some. I will sneaked some in her apple sauce.
Any way I can get them into her.  I know that optimum nutrition is such an important weapon against this disease, and she is so worth the effort.

That's the thing I have to get used to the most.  The change in our roles.
We longer have a mom/daughter relationship. And... it's more than just a reversal of roles.  I don't think she's sure what I am to her exactly. 

I tell her every day that she's my mom. She seems pleased with that knowledge, or maybe that's just wishful thinking... ?

When she tells me that I'm a good dancer, I tell her that she was the one who taught me to dance.
When she tells me she likes her smile, I tell her I have her smile.
When she compliments me on her meal, I tell her that she's one who taught me to cook. 
When she says she loves the song I'm singing to her, I tell her that she's one who taught me how to sing silly songs.

When she thanks me for everything I do for her, I tell her that she was the one who taught me be generous. 

When I tell her these things, she looks surprised and says, "Really?"
and I think she's very pleased to hear that 'news'.

So our entire day revolves around this lady, the heart of our family.
And it's our goal to make her smile, laugh and be happy.

Because that saying 'If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy'
has never has been more true than it is right now.

Be well, my friends!
~Anne

What Happens When Not Everyone is On Board With The Plan

I intend for this blog to be a resource for people who may be struggling to help a loved one with dementia/Alzheimer's.  At first, I thought I would share all the things that have helped my mom.  But I can't really tell the whole story without sharing some of our setbacks as well, can I?  It wouldn't be the truth.

And what I have to share today may be valuable to people who have family members who may not be totally on board with the lifestyle changes which are necessary to fight this disease.

My last post was about the harm that sugar does to the brain and how addicted my parents were (are) to it.  It's kind of ironic actually, considering what has happened within the course of past four days.

I'm struggling to find the words to share what happened this morning in the kindest way for all involved. I'm also hoping a valuable lesson was learned.

Doug and I have been here for 5 months. We've only gone out on a date night twice in that time, and every single time we left the house, my dad 'treated' himself and my mom to sugar.  And, each time, for a few days after, we paid dearly.  So we searched the kitchen and removed all temptations.

You have to understand how powerful this addiction is. Anyone who has ever been addicted to cigarettes or alcohol know how far they will go to sneak a 'fix' and how much better it is for them when someone else joins in.

For example, my dad took my mom to get a Frosty at Wendy's last the summer. Doug and I happened to be visiting for the week. He tried to hide the evidence, so before coming into the house he threw the containers into the trash in the garage.  In his haste to 'not get caught',  he also unknowingly threw away his iPhone...and garbage pick up was the next day.
Once he realized what had happened to his phone, it was too late.

This week my mom was having  back-to-back great days.
I mean, she was better than we had seen her in a quite a while.
My dad said he'd like to take my mom to the bank and market to get her out of the house for a while.  This was a little out of character for him,
since he usually is the one who needs to get out of the house for a little break.

When they were gone much longer than expected, Doug turned to me and said, "How much you want to bet they stopped for ice cream?".  
I thought about that for a minute.
We no longer had any sugar in the house, so it was a distinct possibility.
I hoped that he knew better, but I also knew how strong that craving is in him.

I think that his issue with sugar may have something to do with the history of alcoholism in the family.  My dad was never addicted to alcohol, but he sure is addicted to sugar.  And I believe there is a strong connection.

The following morning, my mom woke up groggy and confused.  
She was incoherent and slept most of the day, only waking up for meals.
She would not take any of her supplements.
She looked weak and frail. It was really hard to see her like that after we just enjoyed such wonderful days together.

I kept remarking throughout the day that she's acting like she had sugar.  
We've witnessed that cause and effect each time he was 'in charge' of her, so
I asked my dad if they stopped for ice cream-- he denied it.

But later, when Doug went out to my dad's car to move it into the garage, he found those  'ice cream' napkins.  You know the kind.  

We were actually sad that our suspicions were correct, but we didn't say anything that night.  No need to beat him up about it, he already knew that he had made a mistake.

But, besides the sugar coma, there's another thing that happens to my mom.  

Not only does sugar fuel the inflammation in her brain but it also feeds the unhealthy bacteria in her gut (candida) making it difficult for her to have a healthy bowel movement. This forces her to strain and causes vasovagal syncope. My dad was with her when it happened this morning and called for my help. 

These episodes are 'harmless' as long as the person doesn't hit their head when they pass out, but, let me tell you, it's very, very scary if it's your first time witnessing this happening to someone you love. 

To see your mother on the floor groaning and sweating.
Her eyes staring blankly, her mouth open, and her face slacked-- as if she was having a stroke. Then she falls asleep.

Quite the opposite of the bright-eyed, happy woman we have been seeing.

And this wasn't the first time this has happened.
But each time it has been directly related to her sugar intake a day or two before.

After the episode, she is wiped out. She sleeps 2-3 hours, she gets up to eat and goes back to rest some more.
Sleep helps the brain repair. So we let her sleep.

I know that it's hard for my dad to ignore his wife of 63 years when she asks him to stop for ice cream.   He wants her to be happy.
And I don't want to deprive them, either, but I just can't enable that addiction. It's poisoning my mom.

I just had yet another conversation with my dad. He knows that we know they had ice cream. That we found those napkins and it's no use fibbing about it anymore.

I think he now realizes the damage that 5 minutes

of sugar pleasure caused and what could have happened.  I explained how deadly it could be for my mom if she would have that kind of episode had she gone to the bathroom alone, in the middle of the night, for instance.
He answered, "That's what happened to Elvis", so I know he understands the severity of the problem.

It's such a weird thing for me to understand. My dad was ALWAYS so good about his diet and nutrition, so much so that he reversed the high cholesterol and clogged arteries in his body without the use of any medications. He would counsel others how to reverse their own health issues and always stressed the importance of a healthy lifestyle.  

I guess maybe as you get older, the craving for sugar just gets stronger...Possibly out of boredom?  Maybe due to watching TV commercials? Or maybe you start to feel 'at your age' like you deserve to eat whatever the heck you want and who is going to stop you?

My dad is turning 84 next month and has a goal to live longer than his mother. My grandmother died at the age of 98. Funny thing, she's the one who sparked my love for Nature and passion for optimum health.  She also knew how sugar affected her body so she stayed far away from it, especially in her later years.  
I hope my dad can follow her cue.

So for now, he's on board. I just hope it lasts.

I can't help but wonder how much more ground we may have gained on this disease if we hadn't had these setbacks.
But it doesn't do anyone any good to stew about it.

I'm not saying what our experience with sugar will be case for everyone, but it's certainly true for my mom and I'm hoping there's something you can learn from it.

Be well, my friends!
~Anne

The Dark Side of the Cookie Jar

My mom made the best oatmeal chocolate chip cookies in the world. 
Anyone who ever had the pleasure to indulge in them would tell you I am not exaggerating.  
Someone once joked that they were as addictive as "crack", 
and it turns out they weren't far from the truth. 

When her grandchildren visited, after getting a big hug from grandma, 
they would head straight for her cookie jar, hoping for to see those decadent
morsels of goodness. They were never disappointed. 

Few came close, but no one could ever make those cookies as good as my mom.  I always thought it was because, like everything else she did for her family, she put so much love into them
--and that only made us enjoy them that much more.

But those fabulous cookies had a dark side.  

The Dark Side of the Cookie Jar

The once-in-a-while indulgence,
became a three-batches-in-one-week-for-two-people addiction, for my mom and dad. This shocked us when we learned that was happening.   

You see, my parents had discovered the value of eating clean and supplementing with high quality nutrition when they were in their late 40's.  They completely turned her declining health around.
By living a healthy lifestyle, which included getting rid of their sugar addiction, eating clean and supplementing their diet with Shaklee's high quality products, they eliminated nagging symptoms like migraines,  sinus headaches, hypertension, high cholesterol, and atherosclerosis. They enjoyed 30+ years of excellent health with the help of no prescription drugs.  They traveled all over the world and were loving life.

My mom's 83-year-old body still reflects the healthy lifestyle choices she made all those years ago.  She is stronger than many people half her age.  
I'm not kidding. This woman is strong.
More than one of her physicians have remarked that they've only seen a handful of people in their whole career who have such excellent physical health at her age. She even has a beautiful complexion. When we took her to the dermatologist for her annual check-up recently, the physician called a university student intern into the room to take a look and marvel.  

That's why this disease is so brutal. 
It is taking a very physically sound woman and making her weak.  

My dad would ask my mom to make those cookies 'just for him' and of course she would. 
They would tell themselves they deserved a little treat.
But the more they ate, the more they wanted and soon it was an unhealthy daily habit---and they became addicted to sugar once again. Because like with any addiction, a little bit is never, ever enough.

You see, she doesn't remember my name, but my mother will ask if we could go out for ice cream.  Sugar has a stronger hold on her that any memory of her children or grandchildren.  

Just think about that for a moment. Think about the power that sugar craving has over her. It's scary, really.  Especially when so many people view sugar as a reward for themselves and their children.  Studies show that sugar and cocaine have a similar hold on our brain, and it's so very easy to become addicted to that white wickedness.

If you think you may be heading down
that sugar addiction rabbit hole,
you might want to do this NO Sugar for 10 Day Challenge.

Not giving in to my mom's request for sugary treats sure isn't easy.
She asks so sweetly (pun intended) and with such enthusiasm and it's so hard to refuse her.  You think things like "let her enjoy herself" and "she's in her 80's, so what the heck". 

And our heart wants to make her happy. But...we know that giving in to that craving will only make her happy for a moment. And we have come to learn that it will not only feed her addition and for that moment of happiness, and we will all pay dearly the next day.  She will wake up introverted, sleepy, confused and, once again, in the stranglehold of this disease. We call it a sugar hangover and it just pulls her 2 steps back in her progress. 

So knowing what we now know, we no longer give in to that request.
She doesn't realize the damage it is doing to her brain, but we do.  

And I'm not going to let sugar hurt my mom any more than it already has.

The good news is that, now that her addiction has been broken, those requests become less frequent and she can be satiated with a bowl of fresh fruit, if necessary.

Our diet is one of the main reasons symptoms occur in the first place.
That old adage, "you are what you eat" has never been more true than it is today.  
Diet plays a huge role in the development (and the fight against) all degenerative diseases--- and I discovered dementia is no exception. 
Health and disease depend both on what you put in your shopping cart.

Inflammation is the enemy of brain health, so this seemed like the best place to start. Alzheimer's is referred to as Type 3 Diabetes for a reason.

My dad is slowly learning that giving her (and himself) sugar as a treat deserves a paradigm shift. He's starting to realize the correlation between sugar, my mom's brain health and the inflammation in his own body, and he's slowly starting to view sugar as the enemy. It's that change in mindset that helps people to truly change their lifestyle.

And since sugar is the ammunition for inflammation and dementia, we cut off its supply to my mom's brain.  

We're gaining ground on this disease and we're digging in.

Be well, my friends,
~Anne
 

The War For Rose

At first we started noticing my mom was forgetting words 
and was really having a hard time with names.  More so than 'normal'.
Then she forgot how to play her favorite card game.

As the days and months went on, 
we noticed she was slipping further and further away
into the grip of what we now know is severe dementia. 
Or it may be it Alzheimer's. 

  

It doesn't really matter what you call it, the results are the same and they are devastating. 

My dad was losing his love of 60+ years.  
We were losing our beloved mom and our children 
were losing their wonderful grandmother,
Rose: The heart of our family.

What made this even harder is that at the age of 83, she is extremely healthy otherwise.  She is on no medications.
She has perfect balance, she would take the stairs two at a time 
and she is able to bend and  touch her toes.
She was fiercely competitive when playing ping pong, croquet and basketball.  Her grand kids remember coming out of the losing end of those games all too often.  And she she challenged you to a game of ping pong, she had a wicked kill shot and would use it at will.
But my mom had reached the point 
where she couldn't shower or dress herself anymore.
She didn't remember how to brush her teeth. Or turn on a light switch.  She had forgotten how to do the simplest things that she had done for years.
She didn't care about keeping the house tidy and clean--something in which she took such pride.... before.

She could barely find the words to utter a complete sentence
and most times would simply give up and stare into space,
her mind caught in a web of thoughts that couldn't find their way to her voice without getting all tangled.
She stopped engaging in conversation --and yet sadly she was aware enough of what what happening to her to become frustrated with herself. She would get angry.  Several times she would get so worked up that she would say she wanted to end her life.
That's a difficult thing to hear your mother say.

We all struggled to accept what was happening to her, grieving 
for the loss of her essence and tried somehow to establish another, 
much different, relationship with her. 

We would console each other by saying how this might be a kinder way to lose someone you love so deeply. One little piece at a time, until they were so far gone that you barely recognized them anymore and it would be a blessing to them (and us) when the suffering ended.
Now I realize were all going through a grieving process. 
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression....we had just reached the point of acceptance.

But through it all there was still a tiny bit of hope.

I started to dig deep in the research surrounding brain health, dementia and Alzheimer's.   To find some clue, some reason for this disease to take hold in my mom, and more importantly what could be done about it.  Was there some trigger?  Was there some nutrient or lifestyle change that could help?
If I could get down to the root cause, then maybe there could be something that we could do for her.

The more I learned, the more empowered I became.  After all, this is what I do.  I help people become healthier.  I search for the answer to help their bodies rebuild health.  It's a little easier when you are talking about losing weight or eliminating allergies. Those things are fairly easy when you have the proper tools.  The brain is a little more tricky and so much more complex.

This disease became my focus.  I was not willing to give her up to this disease that quickly.  Not this person who was everything to our family.
  
After much thought and consideration, my husband made the decision to retire early so he and I could give my mom a fighting chance.  

Simply accepting what was happening to her was not an option.
We were not going to give in to this disease.  
We would do what we could to help her fight for her life. 
We declared war on dementia---and so began the battle 
for my mom's brain and her essence:  The War For Rose.

Our initial goal?  To stop or at least slow the progression
 of this brutal disease and to give my mom at the very least
 --a better quality of life.

It's been 4 full months since we became her caregivers.  

We've made some huge changes in her diet 
and added targeted supplements to support brain health.
We've also made some key changes in her routine and environment.

And so far we've experienced some surprising progress which 
makes us hopeful that we are gaining ground.

However, we quickly learned with a disease like this, 
progress is not a two steps forward and one step back dance. 
It's more of a zigzag.  
This disease keeps throwing us curve balls and we just have to
figure out how to hit them back.

So, in addition to my usual health coaching tips,
I'll be sharing what we are doing with my mom 
in the hopes that you can help someone you love with memory loss. 

In fact, the strategies I'll share will help anyone who 
would like a little more focus in their life and would value 
long-term brain health.
Even those who simply struggle with the "now where did I leave my keys?"  or "why did I come in here?" syndrome.  
(Is this you?)  

Maybe you'd like to readily remember names and dates or
not get so easily distracted when you are at work or doing chores at home.
Maybe you've been diagnosed with an issue that affects your brain.

Just know that Knowledge is power. 

And with this knowledge you can make educated choices for your health and the health of the ones you love.

Our brain is the epicenter of all that we are, so in my opinion, 
we need to show it the respect it deserves and we should do everything we can to support its health.
We would be silly not to, right?

Maybe you will be able to start a little sooner with those lifestyle changes, invest in the nutrition and reap the long-term benefits of optimal brain health.  And maybe because of your wise actions of prevention, your health span will match your life span, 
and you'll live a long and healthy life.

Anyway, that's my hope.  Stay tuned. 

Be well, my friends
~Anne