What Happens When Not Everyone is On Board With The Plan

I intend for this blog to be a resource for people who may be struggling to help a loved one with dementia/Alzheimer's.  At first, I thought I would share all the things that have helped my mom.  But I can't really tell the whole story without sharing some of our setbacks as well, can I?  It wouldn't be the truth.

And what I have to share today may be valuable to people who have family members who may not be totally on board with the lifestyle changes which are necessary to fight this disease.

My last post was about the harm that sugar does to the brain and how addicted my parents were (are) to it.  It's kind of ironic actually, considering what has happened within the course of past four days.

I'm struggling to find the words to share what happened this morning in the kindest way for all involved. I'm also hoping a valuable lesson was learned.

Doug and I have been here for 5 months. We've only gone out on a date night twice in that time, and every single time we left the house, my dad 'treated' himself and my mom to sugar.  And, each time, for a few days after, we paid dearly.  So we searched the kitchen and removed all temptations.

You have to understand how powerful this addiction is. Anyone who has ever been addicted to cigarettes or alcohol know how far they will go to sneak a 'fix' and how much better it is for them when someone else joins in.

For example, my dad took my mom to get a Frosty at Wendy's last the summer. Doug and I happened to be visiting for the week. He tried to hide the evidence, so before coming into the house he threw the containers into the trash in the garage.  In his haste to 'not get caught',  he also unknowingly threw away his iPhone...and garbage pick up was the next day.
Once he realized what had happened to his phone, it was too late.

This week my mom was having  back-to-back great days.
I mean, she was better than we had seen her in a quite a while.
My dad said he'd like to take my mom to the bank and market to get her out of the house for a while.  This was a little out of character for him,
since he usually is the one who needs to get out of the house for a little break.

When they were gone much longer than expected, Doug turned to me and said, "How much you want to bet they stopped for ice cream?".  
I thought about that for a minute.
We no longer had any sugar in the house, so it was a distinct possibility.
I hoped that he knew better, but I also knew how strong that craving is in him.

I think that his issue with sugar may have something to do with the history of alcoholism in the family.  My dad was never addicted to alcohol, but he sure is addicted to sugar.  And I believe there is a strong connection.

The following morning, my mom woke up groggy and confused.  
She was incoherent and slept most of the day, only waking up for meals.
She would not take any of her supplements.
She looked weak and frail. It was really hard to see her like that after we just enjoyed such wonderful days together.

I kept remarking throughout the day that she's acting like she had sugar.  
We've witnessed that cause and effect each time he was 'in charge' of her, so
I asked my dad if they stopped for ice cream-- he denied it.

But later, when Doug went out to my dad's car to move it into the garage, he found those  'ice cream' napkins.  You know the kind.  

We were actually sad that our suspicions were correct, but we didn't say anything that night.  No need to beat him up about it, he already knew that he had made a mistake.

But, besides the sugar coma, there's another thing that happens to my mom.  

Not only does sugar fuel the inflammation in her brain but it also feeds the unhealthy bacteria in her gut (candida) making it difficult for her to have a healthy bowel movement. This forces her to strain and causes vasovagal syncope. My dad was with her when it happened this morning and called for my help. 

These episodes are 'harmless' as long as the person doesn't hit their head when they pass out, but, let me tell you, it's very, very scary if it's your first time witnessing this happening to someone you love. 

To see your mother on the floor groaning and sweating.
Her eyes staring blankly, her mouth open, and her face slacked-- as if she was having a stroke. Then she falls asleep.

Quite the opposite of the bright-eyed, happy woman we have been seeing.

And this wasn't the first time this has happened.
But each time it has been directly related to her sugar intake a day or two before.

After the episode, she is wiped out. She sleeps 2-3 hours, she gets up to eat and goes back to rest some more.
Sleep helps the brain repair. So we let her sleep.

I know that it's hard for my dad to ignore his wife of 63 years when she asks him to stop for ice cream.   He wants her to be happy.
And I don't want to deprive them, either, but I just can't enable that addiction. It's poisoning my mom.

I just had yet another conversation with my dad. He knows that we know they had ice cream. That we found those napkins and it's no use fibbing about it anymore.

I think he now realizes the damage that 5 minutes

of sugar pleasure caused and what could have happened.  I explained how deadly it could be for my mom if she would have that kind of episode had she gone to the bathroom alone, in the middle of the night, for instance.
He answered, "That's what happened to Elvis", so I know he understands the severity of the problem.

It's such a weird thing for me to understand. My dad was ALWAYS so good about his diet and nutrition, so much so that he reversed the high cholesterol and clogged arteries in his body without the use of any medications. He would counsel others how to reverse their own health issues and always stressed the importance of a healthy lifestyle.  

I guess maybe as you get older, the craving for sugar just gets stronger...Possibly out of boredom?  Maybe due to watching TV commercials? Or maybe you start to feel 'at your age' like you deserve to eat whatever the heck you want and who is going to stop you?

My dad is turning 84 next month and has a goal to live longer than his mother. My grandmother died at the age of 98. Funny thing, she's the one who sparked my love for Nature and passion for optimum health.  She also knew how sugar affected her body so she stayed far away from it, especially in her later years.  
I hope my dad can follow her cue.

So for now, he's on board. I just hope it lasts.

I can't help but wonder how much more ground we may have gained on this disease if we hadn't had these setbacks.
But it doesn't do anyone any good to stew about it.

I'm not saying what our experience with sugar will be case for everyone, but it's certainly true for my mom and I'm hoping there's something you can learn from it.

Be well, my friends!
~Anne