If Mama Ain't Happy...

My entire day now revolves around my mom.
And as soon as she wakes up, we know what kind of day we'll be having.
  
If she's happy and smiling...if she lights up when she sees us, it'll be a good day. If she looks confused and tired, not so much.  Sometimes we can salvage the days that start off poorly, and goodness knows we try.

When you are the caregiver for someone with dementia/Alzheimer's, you soon learn that every day will be different. You never know what you'll be getting. You hope for and expect a good day, but at the same time, you're prepared if it isn't.   It's like you're always in alert mode.  And you begin to consider every day that is not a bad day a good day, although there are variations of each.

Enough sleep, all her nutrition, making sure her bowels are clean (sorry, but that needs to be addressed at some point in this blog, as it's very important), no sugar, no wheat, little/no dairy, brain-stimulating activity & laughter all help to make tomorrow a good day.

I have tons of support from my wonderful husband and my dad, so we tag-team during the day so it's not so hard for any one of us. That's such a blessing.
I don't know how caregivers who don't have this team effort do it and my heart goes out to each of them.

It just so happens that I'm  the one who can convince my mom to take her supplements, to shower, to get dressed, etc. I'm the one who can usually get her out of one of her 'moods'.  Doug says I have 'the magic touch" and right now , it's working. So I need to drop whatever I am doing and focus all my attention on her when she needs a little extra TLC. Acting silly helps. Coaching and cheering her on helps too.  Asking her to do it 'for you' helps, as in her heart she still will do anything for her family.My mom was a clean freak and no one would ever call her lazy. That woman rarely sat still.  We used to joke that you had better move out of the way if she had a paint brush in her hands or she might just give you a makeover!
But now she's become 'lazy' and doesn't want to shower. Honestly, every night we need to convince he to take a shower. It's just so odd to me, how this disease is changing who she is/was at her core.
I don't know what the future holds for us, but for now I am so grateful for our good days.  I treasure them. Because on most days my mom does wake up happy and smiling. If I can get her to drink her Shaklee protein drink and if she takes her morning supplements, I know it will most likely continue to be a very good day. If she swallows those supplements, it means her brain remembered how to swallow them and it will also remember other important things throughout the day.

Getting her to take all the nutrition she needs isn't easy especially when she can't remember she's supposed to to swallow them.
On those days I need to use the same tricks I used for my kids when they were little. I crush a few. I pierce some. I will sneaked some in her apple sauce.
Any way I can get them into her.  I know that optimum nutrition is such an important weapon against this disease, and she is so worth the effort.

That's the thing I have to get used to the most.  The change in our roles.
We longer have a mom/daughter relationship. And... it's more than just a reversal of roles.  I don't think she's sure what I am to her exactly. 

I tell her every day that she's my mom. She seems pleased with that knowledge, or maybe that's just wishful thinking... ?

When she tells me that I'm a good dancer, I tell her that she was the one who taught me to dance.
When she tells me she likes her smile, I tell her I have her smile.
When she compliments me on her meal, I tell her that she's one who taught me to cook. 
When she says she loves the song I'm singing to her, I tell her that she's one who taught me how to sing silly songs.

When she thanks me for everything I do for her, I tell her that she was the one who taught me be generous. 

When I tell her these things, she looks surprised and says, "Really?"
and I think she's very pleased to hear that 'news'.

So our entire day revolves around this lady, the heart of our family.
And it's our goal to make her smile, laugh and be happy.

Because that saying 'If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy'
has never has been more true than it is right now.

Be well, my friends!
~Anne